Since the beginning of my journey, I’ve turned to butterflies as a source of hope and inspiration. I was reading about how a caterpillar forms a cocoon or a chrysalis and then when it is ready, it begins to flap its wings to break free. Sometimes people will help open the cocoon, but this action can be quite harmful to the newly formed butterfly. The process of breaking through the cocoon is exactly what strengthens the butterfly’s wings so it can fly.
Lately, I’ve felt like the butterfly in this final phase before flight. The plastic surgeon has cleared me to start exercising so I am one week into a workout program and s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g. The body is so amazing because of how it can rebuild itself, so I am just powering through because I know in 90 days, I’ll be in tip top shape! My goal is to look and feel better than the Estee before cancer. My wedding is coming up next Spring, so I am motivated and every time the workout challenges me, I remind myself how I got through 6 months of chemotherapy so good Lord, I can get through an hour long workout. Haha! The mind is everything, people.
I’ve started cleaning out my closets. I am gathering things I used during treatment to donate to a local Breast Cancer organization. My goal is to re-create the space around me to reflect NOW. I am grateful for everything that helped me during chemotherapy and surgery, and I am ready to move on. I read a book a couple years ago called “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up,” and I am referencing it as I clean. I am only keeping things that spark joy. Eliminating clutter has a positive effect on my mind and my journey towards well-being. I highly recommend the book if you’re looking to better understand why a tidy space creates greater possibilities for happiness.
As I work on my body and redefining the space around me, I am reminded to be patient. Breaking free of this cocoon is going to take time, but every day is one day closer to the Estee I hope to be. Cancer has woken me up and made me appreciate life. I was thinking the other day how, without medicine and technology, my time on this earth is technically up. I am not supposed to be here right now, but I am. What a crazy thought, but one that certainly makes me motivated to be my best, do my best, and help others along the way.