“Perhaps, this is the moment for which you have been created.” Esther 4:14
I am not afraid. There is a tender stillness in my spirit because I know that no matter what, I am more than my body. We are more than our bodies, and yes, one may say that you have to go through something traumatic to come to terms with this, but so be it. When I lay down each night, I focus on my breath and I thank my body for another day of fighting the good fight. I thank my mind for working with me to stay focused and to stay present. Outside my window, the world keeps moving, and I too, go with the flow. Cancer is a part of the natural course of my life, and there is nothing I could have done to change this course. I am not a victim to cancer, but rather, cancer is the teacher, and I am its student for the next 7-9 months.
While there is much to learn from my teacher, I think I bring a lot of strengths to the table. Estee B.C. (Before Cancer) is a 28-year old young woman who lives by the beach and loves her job. I eat healthy, exercise daily, and drink more water than most people (hence the empty water bottles that have been filling my car since college). I’ve never worked a day in my life, and I mean it. I am the Director of Dance at Laguna Beach High School, and I am engaged to my best friend, Brett! I have two dogs – a yorkshire terrier named Penny and a chiweenie named Nico. My parents are extremely supportive and loving, and my brother, Stan, is a light to my life. He’s been with me since day one, and when I learned I had breast cancer, I struggled to imagine how the news would affect everyone I loved, but most especially how the news would affect him. We often talk about how we are going to be here for each other through thick and thin, and how if there is anyone in the world who gets us, it’s us. My brother has bloomed before my very eyes in the face of this news. Cancer is a truly transformative experience not just for the person who is ill but also for the people around that person, and that’s one of the many reasons how I know that what is happening to me, is greater than me. Having cancer has made me stop and really think about life. I see things more clearly, I feel more deeply, and I listen more carefully. Every day is a good day, and every moment is cherished.
Speaking of moments, Brett just came into the room and gave me a big hug. He said, “I’m so happy you’re going to be okay.”
I said with a sigh and a smile, “Yes, I hope so.”
He said, in a very matter of fact tone, “I don’t see why not.”
Good point. 🙂
Until next time …